I apologize, students, for my lack of enthusiasm that is sure to show as the week progresses.

I try to remain even tempered as a teacher.  No matter what’s on my mind outside of work I make sure to be calm in front of my classes.  If I’m upset (not of their doing) they do not know.  If I’m super happy then I try to contain myself.  For the remainder of this week, with all my might, I will do my best to act like a teacher who is totally focused and is not only thinking about going home for the holidays.

Maybe I shouldn’t have started my countdown so early…I cannot wait…8 more days!!!

P.s. Our president elect is a dream boat.
P.p.s. NY is fricken cold.

Parent teacher conferences (PTC) had its ups and downs. Teaching is tough when I feel like I want my students to succeed more than they do. Meeting the parents showed me that they too feel their children are not prioritizing their school responsibilities; this was strangely comforting to hear. It seems that an epidemic of senioritis has struck early this year, which scares me…A LOT.

One of the scariest moments from PTC occurred when a student got a little lippy with his parents after they expressed concerns about the student’s relationship with his girlfriend. The father quickly rose from his chair, got up in his son’s face and threatened, “You wanna keep up that attitude? You better be careful before you get smacked right here.”

Thank goodness I was not alone at the time, my mentor was also in the room. As I witnessed this my heart was pounding and I was frightened, but my body did not react. I remained neutral and reminded myself that the father’s reaction was not out of the ordinary for my student to experience. The conference ended shortly after the incident and I was assured that the family would have words when they returned home and that my student would not cause any more trouble.

My favorite moment from PTC occurred when a student introduced me to her mother. Her mother greeted me with the warmest hug I’ve ever received from a stranger. (Dominican mothers pretty much rock.) It felt great to be welcomed by my student’s mom; it felt even greater to report on her daughter’s positive progress in chemistry.

PTC taught me a little more about my students’ backgrounds (for better or for worse), which I hope will benefit me in the classroom. You know, I’m beginning to understand the adage “it takes a village to raise a child.”

P.S. Apologies for not updating in more than a week. October’s been hectic.

Today I took on the role of chaperone as ~40 of our high school seniors left the south Bronx to go apple picking. Yes, apple picking. Apparently it’s an east coast thing…

While planning for the trip my students all decided that they did not want to pay more than $10 to go apple picking. Upon arrival at the orchard they were each given a bag with a carrying capacity of 6 decent sized apples (lame, i know). The orchard lady wanted to charge $20 each to get a larger bag… So, being the resourceful south Bronx youth that they are, my students brought out their backpacks, bags and big sweaters and picked all the apples they could carry. Ethical? Not so much. Funny? Entirely. Did I condone it? Let’s just say the orchard isn’t empty, so no big deal. As one can imagine plucking fruit from a tree isn’t so easy for someone of my stature. Thankfully my students were generous enough to help a teacher out and I came home with half a bushel of hand picked apples.

The bus ride back was a trip down memory lane. I don’t know how my students have become so educated in jams from my youth (and even before my time!) but they were belting out old songs like nobody’s business. Some surprising serenades included: Too Close by Next, Candy Rain by Soul for Real, and my personal favorite Weak by SWV.

I enjoyed interacting with my students outside of school and seeing them in their own clothes (rather than in uniform). My students can totally be pains, but they really are sweethearts when it comes down to it.

Prep in the morning is a blessing.  It allows me to get in my groove for the day.  Since I usually hide out in the 12th grade team office, I use my prep time to grade, plan, and relax to my Lauryn Hill Pandora station.

I’ve done what I feel like doing for today’s prep period, I’ve got a cool activity planned for class (which starts in 10 minutes), and thanks to Yom Kippur I don’t have school tomorrow.  Today will be a good day

Today, I had no trouble figuring it out

As I sat in the sky lit atrium at 5:45pm a student pulled up a chair next to me. For the following ~25 minutes we spoke about my class, her college aspirations, her boyfriend, her high school experience and a little bit about me. What struck me most was the ease at which she approached me and the honesty in our conversation. I walked away feeling so fulfilled that I got to know one of my students better.

Being a first year teacher, I feel the need to be validated every once in a while; I’m only human. I mean, I have no idea what the heck I’m doing half the time or if my students are actually absorbing anything. But, today when this student gave me a genuine compliment about enjoying my class I was on top of the world.

Monday: I had a good start to the week.

Tuesday: I approached break point #1.

I finished my last class of the day with a little bit of time to spare. So, I gave my students a break for 5 minutes while I slipped into my prep room to grab a demo. I tried to get back into my classroom only to find that someone blocked the door. Thankfully there are multiple points of entrance to the lab, so I got back in just fine. Upon my return instincts kept me from screaming at my class; instead I expressed my disappointment in their behavior. As I spoke to my students, my face grew hot and I could feel the tears forming. How I kept my composure while I spoke about being disrespected in my own classroom, I do not know. Surprisingly the student at fault confessed and we had a serious conversation after class. Hopefully we understand each other and that sort of behavior will not be repeated. [fingers crossed]

Wednesday: Nothing fabulous happened. Nothing terrible happened.

Thursday: I walked out of school with a huge smile.

Forty seniors went on a field trip for the entire day. What happened to the other roughly seventy upperclassmen? I don’t know, but I saw a total of twenty students that day… So, instead of administering my very first quiz I was forced to do some review.

While everyone was “diligently” working I took each student aside for a couple minutes to get to know him/her. Through those one-on-ones I learned a good deal about each of my student’s home life, interests, and thoughts on my class. My students have much more life experience at the tender ages of 16-18 than I have at 22. It is sobering to hear about their daily responsibilities, like caring for younger siblings and cooking dinner for the family. With each conversation I was reminded why I love to work with youth. They are so funny and they are capable of warming my heart with their comments.

Some notable quotes:
“I take care of my 3 little brothers. The youngest one thinks I’m his mom.”

“Miss, you live in Queens? You got a roommate?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Oh, good. Cause Queens is too far to be lonely.”

“I’m like ten times more comfortable coming to you because of this talk. You’re one of the first teachers to have a conversation like this with me.”

Friday: I approached break point #2.

My IB students are the “most motivated” members of the senior class. They also happen to be the only class that I feel least welcomed. I understand why these bright students are so skeptical of me; I am the fifth science teacher they have had since their freshman year. But, knowing why they are not warming up to me does not make it any easier to teach them.

During a transition from taking a quiz to working on practice problems, I could not get my students to settle down. My mentor teacher, the guidance counselors, and the dean all said that our students need to see the human side of their teachers. So, I stopped to express my feelings with them. Again, I do not know how I kept the tears of frustration from falling while I spoke to my class, but thank God I kept it together.

One of my IB students told me, “Give it another week, Miss. They’ll start to listen to you.”

Well…here I go again! We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

“Miss, you ain’t gonna stay.”-student on day 1

“Miss, you should get with a Puerto Rican. You’d have sexy kids.”-female student

“Principal T asked us what we thought of you. Don’t worry, we all said you were good.”-student after school

Students say the darndest things!
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My students have not had the best experience in chemistry. I fear that they are losing (or have lost) faith in science and their science teachers. They are “repeating” chemistry with me because only one student passed the Regents exam last year. Their former chem teacher has been described as “shady” by many a colleague.

In comes me, a fresh faced science teacher eager to get them excited about chemistry. Can it be done? Can I prepare my students for the Regents? Will I have the strength to show my commitment to their success? Can I teach<span them?

In all honesty, I have no idea; it’s only been a week. I hope and pray that the answer to my aforementioned questions is a big fat YES, but after reading Dr. Pedro Noguera’s City Schools and the American Dream: Reclaiming the Promise of Public Education I realize that I have to approach this mission with pragmatic optimism. This roller coaster ride can (will?) easily throw me for an emotional loop. Because I am hopeful at heart and my own worst critic (a dangerous combination) I have to become more pragmatically optimistic…or I may break.
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And now for my random teacher thoughts…

• I fear failing my students. (I don’t mean giving them an F)
  
• It’s all about COMFORTABLE SHOES.
• There’s a thin line between patience and leniency…I’m still trying to figure out this balance before I cross into dangerous territory.
• No student has accused me of being a first year teacher! (small victory!)
• EAT. BREATHE. SLEEP. TEACH. REPEAT.
• I’m working on my teacher look, and I’m not talking about my wardrobe.
• I do not want to lose my cool in front of my class; I’m trying to maintain composure at all times. Some students have picked up on my calm demeanor and seem eager to test me, to break my patience. I pray that I can keep my patience even in the face of a very very very annoying student.
• Do not be fooled, teaching is not an 8:30am-3:00pm kind of job.

That pretty much sums up my feelings. Prior to tonight I can only think of one other situation where I was scared out of my mind.

During our first year in college (oh so long ago) my friend Angie orchestrated a trip to Lodai, California to go sky diving. For weeks my dearest friends and I were excited for our adventure. But, on the big day my adventurous spirit waned. I had mixed feelings about boarding a plane just to jump out of it. The ride up was the worst part of the whole ordeal. We ascended thousands of feet above the ground in minutes; with each passing minute color seemed to drain from my face. At roughly 13,000 feet the plane door opened and one by one I saw my friends fly out into the blue. My instructor (a white haired 60 year old) brought me to the plane entrance/exit where I stared into the sky and saw the ground far far far away. As my heart beat at a rate entirely too fast for normal human beings I closed my eyes and jumped…

Here in NYC, the Regents are dreaded standardized tests that high school students must pass in every core content area (English, history, science, math…) in order to advance to the next class and ultimately graduate.  In fact, the number of Regents passed and the scores received determine the type of high school diploma that a student earns.  There are three tiers: the local diploma, the Regents diploma, and the advanced Regents diploma.

During the summer I had the privilege of completing my training in my future high school.  I really value the time I had with my students; it felt great to help them become more confident in their knowledge of living environment (NYC’s version of watered down biology).  Though, the pressure to get these students to pass was a heavy weight on my new teacher shoulders.

When Regents rolled around last week I proctored the math test for two students whose IEPs (individualized education plans) required someone to read the test to them.  It was so difficult to read each question and answer choice without providing these young men with guidance.  (It was tough, but I made sure to not give anything away with voice inflections or pauses.)  My heart broke every time the incorrect answer was written down.  These young men finished a three hour math test in just over an hour, many answers were chosen at random, and most free responses were left blank.  I know that there are many reasons why these students were unable to pass the Regents the third time around, but this whole situation just got me thinking.

Currently I’m reading City Schools and the American Dream: Reclaiming the Promise of Public Education by Pedro Noguera (thank you 13+).  It’s a very good read, especially for someone new to the education scene. Noguera discusses the expectations placed on inner city schools and students, then reproaches the feds/state/city/school district for their lack of support of inner city schools and students.  Word.

Would it be fair to require my students to ride a bike in order to pass my class without giving them a chance at training wheels?