One huge gripe I have against teaching is the constant workload. There’s always something that needs to be done. During the school day, I’m grinding non-stop from the moment I open my classroom door til the final bell. I don’t have the same luxury as my peers who can sign onto gchat regularly. I can’t work at my own pace. I can’t take quick mental breaks zoning out on news articles or facebook. I can’t leave work to have lunch outside with friends. My lunch break is ONLY 27 minutes and students drop in regularly for extra help, ask about their grade, or to simply visit. I can’t even use the bathroom at any time I want. I’ve gotta wait til my prep period or lunch, or (if it’s a real emergency) passing period.

Couple all that with everything else we’ve gotta do, the behavior we’ve got to put up with, administrative and state pressures, a lack of support/resources and it’s no wonder 1/4th of all new California teachers leave the profession in 4 years or less.

I’m currently in year 2 and the gripes have not waned. I promised myself I’d give this profession a minimum of 5 years before I make a real decision on it, but I do understand why one would choose to leave right away…

Student drop out rate is a huge issue; but as serious is the drop out rate we’ve got w/ teachers.

[beat]

One of those things didn’t happen last year.

And now, tomorrow… what’s next?

Teaching geometry a 2nd time around, you notice the difference. Your lessons slowly evolve. The lessons that turned awry the first time around are improved. The concepts you didn’t hit well become stronger. And those rare lessons that were gold are enhanced. I see it happening as I creep towards the midway point of my 2nd year, and I know that it has to only get better during year 3. A process of evolution.

The issue: This year I teach only 2 geometry classes. The other 3? Algebra.

Taking on a new prep feels like repeating the 1st year process all over again. And like I said before, Algebra is much more difficult to teach than Geometry, especially if it’s to a group whose propensity to the topic is virtually nonexistent.

I’m blindly moving forward, hoping some of this stuff will stick. Yet, looking back at these past 14 weeks, I can easily point to more than a handful of lessons that were downright horrible.

Introducing new material THE WRONG WAY is toxic. And you see it happening. You notice students chronically approach problems THE WRONG WAY as a consequence. You’re aware that some students can walk through the motions correctly but have NO CONCEPTUAL CLUE as to why they do what they do. You wish you could time travel back and change the way you did things the first time, but realize you’re weeks behind the curriculum pacing guide and… blindly… move… forward.

As a new teacher, I see no solution to this. Unless some vet walks me through each new topic daily, shedding light on every angle of every lesson, I’ll remain blind. It’s a process I must go through before becoming much improved during my second go round, a process every new teacher must face.

P.s. Our president elect is a dream boat.
P.p.s. NY is fricken cold.

I HAVE TO WRITE A QUIZ FOR FRIDAY!

I HAVE TO PLAN FOR MY CULINARY ARTS ELECTIVE ON FRIDAY!

I HAVE A FRIEND FROM BERKELEY WHO IS FLYING IN TO NY TO STAY WITH ME FOR THE WEEKEND. I MUST BE HER TOUR GUIDE AND HER ENTERTAINMENT!

I HAVE GRAD SCHOOL WORK DUE ON SATURDAY.

I HAVE TEACH FOR AMERICA WORK DUE ON SATURDAY.

I HAVE GRAD SCHOOL WORK DUE ON MONDAY.

I HAVE LESSON PLANS TO DO FOR NEXT WEEK FOR THREE {THREE!] SUBJECTS!

MY FRIEND IS NOT LEAVING UNTIL TUESDAY!!!

WILL I HAVE TIME TO PULL THIS OFF??

I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF STRESSFUL SITUATIONS…

BUT TIMES LIKE THESE SEEM TO TAKE THE CAKE.

HENCE THE EXUBERANT USE OF CAPITALIZATION.

AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!

AND ONOMATOPOEIAS!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

After putting hours and hours of sweat, stress, and work into your teaching, October is the month you realize you probably won’t reach every single student. That realization is heartbreaking, heartbreaking to the point that you don’t want to do it anymore. You start to think, “what’s the point?” You start blaming the administration for handing you too rough a schedule. And you start to wonder how much greener the grass is on the other side.

Couple this with the horrifying reality that NO extended break exists in sight within a months time, and you feel suffocated.

Last year, October was the month I left ALC. This year, I have nights where I want to throw in the towel once again. One day I’m flying, the next, I’ll wake and hide under my blanket and hope responsibility will take a chill pill for once.

Last Thursday, I loved my job. This Sunday night, I feel overwhelmed by the weight of another 5-day week. October days have my emotions on an erratic track.

I’d like to send a shout out to all those who look out. The phone calls, the check-ins, the “how was your day?’s” – the positivity when you hear that it’s good, the concern when you hear that it’s bad. I know I’ll vent and complain over and over, but it’s comforting to know there’s folks out there who care, who understand, and who root for my success as a teacher – for the success of my students. I’m beyond appreciative.

Maybe I’m a bit burnt out. Maybe I’m still coming to terms with the fact that summer is beyond over. Maybe I need to work more efficiently. But, TGIF. I don’t know what I’d do w/out you, weekend.

…

Tell me why I’m already tired though. Dammit.

Yesterday I crashed and burned. Ironically, it was the first time I was had to turn in a formal lesson plan so I thought (silly me), that things would run even smoother. I don’t know what happened exactly, but somewhere in the middle my kids started fading fast and misbehaving. I wanted a walkie-talkie so I could scream “Abort! Abort!” and wait for someone to come and extract me, but no. I did consider mouthing the words “HELP ME” to my master teacher sitting in the back though…

After the lesson I thought about what went wrong. Maybe the topic was just boring? I mean, how exciting is California’s climate and vegetation anyway? Nah, ANY lesson can be spiced up. Maybe I didn’t plan enough? Maybe the kids were just tired? What else could I possibly blame? NOTHING. I can’t blame anything, really. I tried, my kids tried, but something just didn’t click. It was a great learning experience though! (Isn’t it great how that can always be used to make a horrible experience something positive?) I really did learn a lot, and for that I’m thankful. There’s no avoiding it -you are going to have some of these days.

It’s all good though.

Thank you, universe, for reminding me that this is NOT EASY!

He called her, “Idiot.” She yelled and screamed at him first.

Or so that’s what they say.

It’s hard to follow stories. Especially the stories kids tell. It’s always, “He did this!” or “She did that!” What’s a teacher to do?

It doesn’t matter who did what. You worry about yourself. Make sure you are making the right choices. So that when someone else makes the wrong one, you can know for sure deep down that it wasn’t your fault; it wasn’t something you said or did, because you worried about yourself and made sure you made the right choices. You can only do this if you worry about yourself first.

You can’t change the way people feel. Better let them do just what they will.

In these moments where I have to be the adult, I have to be the patient grown-up…sometimes I almost lose it. Sometimes I just want to hug them because I don’t know what it is that’s hurting them to make them come to school and behave this way.

I believe that when a child comes to school with poor behavior and poor attitude, it is never inherently the child’s fault. It’s coming from somewhere else.

In this case, it’s coming from bullies. Bullies who were NOT in the classroom with me after school today.

And that’s another story for another day.

Sometimes I forget how hard it is to be a 6th grader. Then I have days like this, and I’m reminded all too soon, and all too painfully.